Tonight I had the incredible blessing of watching my 4-year-old daughter perform in a Christmas dance recital. I helped her get ready by putting on her glittery leotard and pulling her hair back in bun. I smiled as she gingerly walked onto the big stage, and giggled as she twirled in her fluffy white tutu. As the evening went on and I watched the children dance, my mind escaped off to that place of sadness for the mom’s and dad’s of the little princes and princess’s who were not tucked into their beds tonight. The shooting tragedy in Connecticut today has invaded my thoughts, and it was hard to get the families whose lives were abruptly interrupted off of my mind.
Christmas presents will be left unopened, family pictures will not happen, visits to Grandma and Grandpa’s house will be filled with tremendous heartache, and parents will forever feel the silent emptiness of loss. Gingerbread houses will go unmade, Christmas stockings will mournfully hang by chimneys, Santa will not be visited, and the sounds of laughter will not ring out on Christmas morning. It is absolutely heart-wrenching to think of the precious lives lost today. These children were just going about their day handing in homework, counting down the days until Santa visits, and telling their teachers their big plans for the weekend when darkness entered their lives.
The sad truth is that violence against children occurs year round and all over this world on a daily basis. We discard them as if they don’t matter. We ignore them as if they are not important. We use and abuse them as if their little hearts and bodies will just “get over it”. Scripture speaks of children being a reward, and yet, we take our time with them for granted. I absolutely believe that we will not escape the Lord’s passionate and protective love for His children.
It is days like today that I hugged my Kindergartner and ballerina a little tighter. It is days like today that I repeated the words “I Love You” to them often. It is days like today that I am reminded that our children are not ours. We are gifted with them for a while. Some stay longer than others, but ultimately, they are the Lord’s children.
It is days like today that I long for His return.
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I’ve known my husband since we were in our early to mid twenties. We’ve been a couple for about 19 of the 21 years we’ve known each other. He’s traversed the valley of infertility with me, jumped right in to foster parenting classes, stayed up late at night to feed the babies, and drove our car with extra care while on our way to our adoption hearings. We’ve basically grown up together in many ways, and parenting continues to grow us.
It was about 4 years ago when we went through a difficult time with employment. My husband lost a job just a few weeks before our adoption hearing. I was quite shocked that a company would let someone go right before an adoption, but never-the-less, our adoption happened. Several months passed by with no potential employment doors opening for my husband.
As Christmas came around, I could tell that he was worried about what to get me. It didn’t really matter to me anyway as I knew finances were tight, and I had been given the most amazing gift of my sweet boy through adoption. I was so thankful to be a mother, and to be able to wake up each morning with the knowledge that my life had been drastically and blessedly changed by motherhood.
We really don’t make a big deal out of presents for each other. Instead, we enjoy giving gifts to others, and that year, we were so excited to see our son’s expression when he woke up. As the morning progressed, we headed into the hearth room where our stockings are hung by the chimney.
As I reached my hand into my stocking, I felt a piece of paper. I pulled out a letter (the one pictured above), and had no idea what in the world it was. As I unfolded it and started reading, I realized it was a love letter. It was not one of those “I’ve got a crush on you” kind of notes one may get in high school. No, this was a love letter from a man to a woman. It was a letter from his heart to mine. It was a letter of one’s humble admission of loving someone else more than that person would ever know.
There I was sitting half-disheveled in my pajama’s with tears rolling down my cheeks clutching a letter. All of this occurred while my curly-haired 2-year-old squealed with the delights of Christmas morning. My husband sat there a little embarrassed and a little stoic. This letter was the best Christmas present I ever received. From time to time, I pull the letter out and read it as a reminder of how special marriage is, and how lucky I am to have married someone who is one of the most self-less persons that I know.
This morning while thinking about the gift of that letter on Christmas morning, I thought of the love letter that the Lord has written for us. Scripture really is our love letter from Him. It is the grounding wisdom of our history, the guide for our every day walk, and the revelation of our future. It is His promise skillfully described.
The Word brings life, love, and meaning. The Word transforms us, shapes us, comforts us, and humbles us. The Word creates for us the ability to stand firm in our faithful knowledge of the Lord, and it confirms to us how incredibly passionate our Heavenly Father loves each of us.
The Word is Love.
The next time you need to be reminded of how loved you are, open your Bible and read the Lord’s letter of love written for all of us.
I prayed today for concrete answers to multiple situations going on in my life of which I’m trying to keep my anxiety level to a minimal. I asked told the Lord to let today be the day that I got ALL of the answers I needed to hear. Quite selfish, I know, but I’ve been a little overwhelmed lately with all of the “stuff” going on in life.
The stuff I’m referring to consists of (1) wanting an answer for something I’ve been working on for years, and feeling so close to getting, and, (2) needing to hear with clarity what the Lord intends to do with a situation involving a family member. In the middle of these things lies my normally busy life consisting of children, work, and a home to tend to. If the truth were told, I would eliminate the work part and focus on the home and family; thus, leading me back to wanting answers!
Even as I write this, I’m daydreaming a little about it all. As the day grew into evening, I did not receive that phone call or that email with an answer. I did not receive a letter or phone call telling me what the next steps will be regarding a family member. The Lord did not break through the clouds declaring the answers I am yearning to hear. However, as the day went on, I started to realize that He has waited on me multiple times throughout my life, and will continue to as long as I am breathing Earthly air.
He’s waited on me to open the Word instead of opening my Facebook page. He’s waited on me to have a heart pursuing Him with the same passion that I have pursued others and things of this world. He’s waited on me to write that check in full faith the He will use it for good; instead of writing a check for something temporary that I desired.
He’s waited on me to relinquish my fear of the unknown, and let Him lead my life. He’s waited on me to understand infertility as a part of my life story, so that He could unfold the script. He’s waited on me to give the same amount of grace for the indiscretions of others that He’s given me. He still waits on me to let His peace be the answer I need until He moves the mountain that seems insurmountable, or opens the door to the next step in my life.
Today I found myself thinking, “I’m just waiting on God for answers.” In essence, though, the Lord answered my prayer today. He answered it with the vision of those times where I’m sure He stood quietly waiting. He answered it with the sobering remembrance of those moments in my life where I refused to listen. He answered it with the knowledge that I know is true – He is the keeper of my past, the shepherd of my present, and the lantern for my future.
He answered it with, “Be still and know that I am God.”
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Why does it seem that bad things always happen to good people? I have often wondered this; even though, I believe the Lord holds all of us His hands, and that suffering is part of the walk here on Earth.
I have been thinking lately of “good” people versus “bad” people. I can say that I probably have fit, or still fit, in both of these categories at various times in my life. As a believer in Christ, I know that I am not good enough for His redemption. It is by grace and supreme forgiveness that I am saved.
Being in the field of social work, I hear the awful things that people do to children and see first hand what the years of poor choices have often lead to, but, I also get the “back story” to these people’s lives. I learn that many of them were abused as children, grew up in extreme poverty, and had absent fathers & mothers. Many have addictions that plague them starting in their early adolescence and on through adulthood.
I had a client tell me one time, “You’ve treated me better than my own family ever treated me.” She was 20-years-old, addicted to meth, homeless, uneducated, and just lost her baby to the foster care system. I was certainly not her friend. I was the case manager for her and her infant son, and ended up being the one who recommended termination of her parental rights. However, I was kind to her. I tried to put myself in her shoes. It is tragically sad that I treated her better than her family.
I have often thought, “By the grace of God go I”. Basically, I didn’t grow up in these type of situations and give praise for the Lord’s grace in my life that I’m not living this way now. There is great heartbreak in our own backyards; yet, so many of us are shielded from the turmoil.
I have had my share of bad things that have happened, but I have also had an incredible amount of good things and good people in my life. I am left with the thought/question of, “What if good things happened to bad people?”I mean, what if the world showed more mercy and kindness to those deemed “bad” by society? What if you and I (you know…the “good” guys) decided to wake up each day with the notion that we are going to make a positive difference in the life of someone who otherwise might be overlooked or looked down upon?
What if goodness and kindness became a habit?
The best thing ever happened to all of us. Our Lord and Savior chose us. His love and mercy are incredibly good things that continue to bless us every day.
I believe in the power of a redeeming God who loves everyone – “good” or “bad”. I also believe in His calling for us to love one another. Maybe it is time for us to show the goodness of His love to others. I cannot help but hope and believe that if more good things happened to bad people, our world would be a kinder, softer, and more loving place.
What do you think?
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Thank you to Teresa at http://catholibertarian.com for nominating me for the Food For Thought Award a few weeks ago. I’m sorry that I missed the 8:00 pm deadline for passing it on though…
Here are the seven Scripture verses that seem to speak to me the most:
Jeremiah 29:11- “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” This verse is one that I believe all Christians should cling on to. We know our only hope is in the Lord. We know His will for our lives far outweighs what the world desires for us.
Isaiah 54:10– Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,”says the Lord, who has compassion on you. I just love how this verse declares that the Lord will NEVER forsake us. There is nothing that will take away His love for us. I also love that it speaks of His love being full of compassion and never-failing.
Romans 5:2-5 – Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. This verse is what I have on my About Me page. Years ago I may not have rejoiced in my suffering of being barren. I see now though that the endurance, character, and hope built by suffering are all part of who I am in the Lord.
Psalm 23-The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. I sang this Psalm just a year after my near-death illness when I was eleven. The words are ones that have been seared into my memory since that time. I even wrote a post about it – valley of death, Mercy of Life
Psalm 139:13-16 – For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. I actually favor the entire Psalm 139! This part though speaks to me of the incredible and brilliant design that the Lord has for all of us.
Luke 12:7- Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. The very God who created the Universe loves us. Our worth to Him is far greater than we will ever comprehend.
John 3:16- For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. If one does not believe this verse to be true, then one does not believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ!
As part of the award, I am to link seven blogs that I enjoy! Here they are!
Here are the instructions if you choose to participate!
Post the award on your blog.
Thank the one who nominated you and link back to their blog.
Share seven of your favorite Bible passages. For extra points (Perhaps our Father in heaven will award them.), explain why each these seven passages is a favorite. Done
Nominate seven other bloggers you admire and enjoy! Why seven? In the Bible, seven symbolizes completeness.
Inform each person that you have nominated them. Will pass on by tomorrow at 8pm.
Thanks again to Teresa for the nomination! It is greatly appreciated!
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For my last post in recognition and celebration of National Adoption Month, I wanted to write something so bold, fresh, and new that everyone would want to become a foster and adoptive parent. I wanted to try to list every well-known person (alive or deceased) who has either been adopted or who has adopted children. I considered writing about persons in Scripture who were considered to be adopted, or at least, raised by persons other than their biological parents
I realized, though, that none of this compares to the incredible and profound blessing of our adoption by our Heavenly Father. Through the sacrifice of His son and our acceptance of Christ as our Lord and Savior, we have been given an Eternal inheritance, and the promise of His love and His care. We are sealed by His grace.
The word permanency comes up often in child welfare. Permanency refers to the goal of achieving something permanent in children’s lives. I like to refer to it as the final place a child gets to call home. We talk about the goals to attain permanency for children in the system all of the time. Well, with the Lord, the goal has already been met and achieved!
Our permanency is in Heaven! Now, isn’t that something to celebrate!!
“I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” -2 Corinthians 6:18
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Here is another insight I’ve discovered since becoming a parent through adoption:
Adoption is extremely complex, but there is beauty in complexity.
The closer we got to our first adoption, I was so eager to “get it over with”. I just wanted the judge’s gavel to fall and for our son to be declared ours. I did not want anyone else to be in control of my son anymore. I looked at that day with fantastic expectation and with the thought that it will all be so much easier after adoption than when we were fostering him.
Our daughter was placed with us a few months later and I was also looking forward to the day that we could adopt her. Right after our daughter’s adoption, we closed our foster care license. What I have realized through the years since then is that adoption continues to evolve as our children grow older. The gavel may have fallen, and the “cases” may be closed, but our journey really has just begun.
We see the look of confusion at times when the children are talking about birth parents and why they do not have the same birth moms. We watch our son stare at his baby pictures and ask a million questions about the baby that he was. We overhear the kids talking in the back of the car or in their rooms about birth parents. I even heard my daughter say that she wished I was her birth mommy.
My husband and I have late-night talks on the couch after the kids go to bed about how we should address specific issues and questions as they arise. Our son usually has a rough couple of days after visiting our daughter’s sibling, who is also adopted, because he doesn’t quite understand how his sister could have a sister of her own.
I often watch the kids and wonder how much of their lives will be affected because of adoption. Don’t misunderstand me. There are incredible opportunities, safety, love, and stability that they have because of adoption, but, it would be amiss of me to assume that it is always going to be easy for them.
I worry at times that we are being too open in discussing it, or maybe not open enough. I used to weep for my children because of the losses they have endured without even knowing it. I have wished to be able to wipe the slate clean for them. All of these things are issues that my child-bearing friends do not have to take into consideration when parenting.
The complexity of it all makes me appreciate the opportunity to talk with other adoptive families about their experiences, and to learn from each other. I love the diversity of each family and the journeys that many have been on. I also have come to realize that adoptive families are unique and special in so many ways. Yes, there may be worrying, wondering, weeping, and wishing, but in these things there is great beauty.
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Here we are in the last few days of November and the last week of National Adoption Month. This past month I have posted something each day that I hope has inspired people to take care of children through adoption and foster care. I’d like to share some insights I’ve learned as an adoptive parent. Here’s the first one:
Through the adoption of my children I have learned that my life was planned and designed with great purpose.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that growing up I never really understood or appreciated the concept of a life planned in advance; especially if the plan included the heart-wrenching grief of infertility. I did not comprehend how a loving God could or would allow infertility, even though barrenness is written about in Scripture. I certainly never envisioned myself as a mother. I just didn’t think it was “in the cards” for my life.
Seeking the Lord and the adoption of my children have both revealed to me that mothering was written into my life story. My children were planned for me, and I was planned for them. Despite the medical problem I had that resulted in being barren, I was still designed with the great purpose of motherhood by the God that created the Heavens and the Earth.
Some call it fate. Some may say I lucked into being able to adopt. I choose not to call it either of these things. I call it the grace of the Lord and His Divine Plan. I call it the presence of a living God whose works are ones of love. I call it the pouring out of His blessings. I call it a mission-filled and purposeful design.
Adoption really is my life’s song. My children are the instruments. Our experience together is the melody. The Lord is the composer, and, from time to time, you just might catch me dancing to it.
“For I know the plans for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
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This is the story of my dear friend, Missy and her mom, Marcia. She’s a special person and I’m so thankful she shared her story with me, and with all of you. She considers herself “one of the lucky ones”.
Missy, Marcia, and Missy’s sweet little girls
“We are often told that we look alike. Our eyes meet and we just smile knowing that we are the only ones in on our little secret”, explained Missy when telling her story about her experience as a child in the system. It was about twenty-four years ago that her life took a drastic, yet remarkable turn.
From the beginning of her life, one would not consider Missy to be lucky. Her biological mother was just eighteen-years-old when she gave birth to Missy. Already having a lot on her plate as the mother of twins, parenthood was hard on her. Missy’s toddler and preschool years were spent with her mom having multiple boyfriends. She actually remembers her mom changing the pictures on the wall depending on what boyfriend was visiting. Things were rough, but got much worse when she was five-years-old. Her mother married a man who was not the kind of father she and her siblings needed in their lives.
Physical abuse was a part of her life as young girl. Missy remembers being beaten for trivial things such as losing the pen to the Yahtzee game. Sometimes, she and her siblings were beaten so severely that they had to miss days of school. Her siblings experienced sexual abuse, but Missy did not. She is incredibly thankful for this, but carried guilt as a child knowing that her siblings were exposed to this type of horrific abuse.
One of the worst memories Missy recalled was when her step-father tried to force her to drown her puppy for peeing on the floor. Missy always had a genuinely compassionate love for animals, so her step-father choosing this as a punishment for both her and the pup was incredibly cruel. Although young, Missy stood up to her step-dad, refused to drown her pup, and instead took a beating that lasted for hours.
As time went on, things got worse. Her mom, beaten beyond recognition, would tell the children that she was going to take them and leave, but never did. Missy suspects she was scared and had such low self-esteem that she chose to stay.
After three years of living a nightmare with her step-dad, a knock on the door occurred and child protection services removed the children. Although in desperate need to be taken out of that environment, Missy was scared, clung onto her teddy bear, and sobbed over being taken away from her mommy. She and her siblings moved from home to home for various reasons, and she remembers the drive to each new home being very scary. They would arrive at a new place full of strangers and a trash bag full of their belongings.
Enter Marcia. Marcia was a former neighbor of Missy and happened to be at the Children’s Division office when she overheard the social worker talking about needing to find another home for the kids. Realizing the children being talked about were the three children she fed when hungry, Marcia immediately stated she wanted to take them into her home.
Even though their home was filled with children, Missy remembers feeling loved as though she was the only child there. Marcia and her husband, Jim, welcomed her and her siblings with an incredible amount of love. Her birth mom was never able to reunify with her children. Missy feels as though she chose the lifestyle she was living with her step-dad over her and her siblings. Although never legally adopted, Missy chose to change her last name to Marcia’s and Jim’s last name when she was twelve-years-old. They were already adopted in love.
Being taken in and loved on made an incredible difference in the lives of Missy and her siblings. Safety and nurturing became their constant. Opportunity became their normalcy. The rest of their childhoods were ones free of abuse and neglect. Marcia and Jim are heroes whohelped to changed the lives of children; ones that desperately needed a place to call home and the love of a family.
I’ll let her words speak for them-self:
“I have not seen my bio mom since I was taken away. It would be easy to be mad and full of hatred for her. I chose a long time ago to let this all go. The pain and hate only brought me down. Matter of fact, if I ever see her I may thank her. My past has made me the person I am and brought my new parents and siblings into my life. “My mom” and I are very close and I know we were brought together for a reason. As she says “we are like peas and carrots”! I now have two beautiful girls myself and cannot imagine letting anyone hurt them. I realize not all foster children are as lucky as me. I was able to graduate from college, get married to a wonderful husband, get a great job, and have two beautiful babies. I guess I consider myself one of the lucky ones.”
Missy – I think those of us who consider you a friend are the lucky ones. Thank you for sharing your story of how one person can change the life of a child, and for your personal resilience to rise above. You, my dear, are an amazing woman.
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This is the story of my dear friend Missy and her mom Marcia. She’s a special person and I’m so thankful she shared her story with me, and with all of you.
Missy, Marcia, and Missy’s sweet little girls
“We are often told that we look alike. Our eyes meet and we just smile knowing that we are the only ones in on our little secret”, explained Missy when telling her story about her experience as a child in the system. It was about twenty-four years ago that her life took a drastic, yet remarkable turn.
From the beginning of her life, one would not consider Missy to be lucky. Her biological mother was just eighteen-years-old when she gave birth to Missy, and already had a lot on her plate as she was mothering twins when Missy was born. Missy’s toddler and preschool years were spent with her mom having multiple boyfriends. She actually remembers her mom changing the pictures on the wall depending on what boyfriend was visiting. Things were rough, but got much worse when she was five-years-old. Her mother married a man who was not the kind of father she and her siblings needed in their lives.
Physical abuse was a part of her life as young girl. Missy remembers being beaten for trivial things such as losing the pen to the Yahtzee game. Sometimes, she and her siblings were beaten so severely that they had to miss days of school. Her siblings experienced sexual abuse, but Missy did not. She is incredibly thankful for this, but carried guilt as a child knowing that her siblings were exposed to this type of horrific abuse.
One of the worst memories Missy recalled was when her step-father tried to force her to drown her puppy for peeing on the floor. Missy always had a genuinely compassionate love for animals, so her step-father choosing this as a punishment for both her and the pup was incredibly cruel. Although young, Missy stood up to her step-dad, refused to drown her pup, and instead took a beating that lasted for hours.
As time went on, things got worse. She remembers her mom being beaten beyond recognition. Her mom would tell the children that she was going to take them and leave, but never did. Missy suspects she was scared and had such low self-esteem that she chose to stay.
After three years of living a nightmare with her step-dad, a knock on the door occurred and child protection services removed the children. Although in desperate need to be taken out of that environment, Missy was scared, clung onto her teddy bear, and sobbed over being taken away from her mommy. She and her siblings moved from home to home for various reasons, and she remembers the drive to each new home being very scary. They would arrive at a new place full of strangers and a trash bag full of their belongings.
Enter Marcia. Marcia was a former neighbor of Missy and happened to be at the Children’s Division office when she overheard the social worker talking about needing to find another home for the kids. When Marcia realized that the children being talked about were the three children she fed when they were hungry, she immediately stated she wanted to take them into her home.
Even though their home was filled with children, Missy remembers feeling loved as though she was the only child there. Marcia and her husband Jim welcomed her and her siblings with an incredible amount of love. Her birth mom was never able to reunify with her children. Missy feels as though she chose the lifestyle she was living with her step-dad over her and her siblings. Although never legally adopted, Missy chose to change her last name to Marcia’s and Jim’s last name when she was twelve-years-old. In their hearts, they were already adopted in love.
Being taken in and loved on made an incredible difference in the lives of Missy and her siblings. They were given safety and nurturing. They were given the opportunity for normalcy. The rest of their childhoods were ones free of abuse and neglect. Marcia and Jim are heroes and helped to changed the lives of children who desperately needed a place to call home and the love of a family.
The following is how Missy ended her story. I’ll let her words speak for them-self:
“I have not seen my bio mom since I was taken away. It would be easy to be mad and full of hatred for her. I chose a long time ago to let this all go. The pain and hate only brought me down. Matter of fact, if I ever see her I may thank her. My past has made me the person I am and brought my new parents and siblings into my life. “My mom” and I are very close and I know we were brought together for a reason. As she says “we are like peas and carrots”! I now have two beautiful girls myself and cannot imagine letting anyone hurt them. I realize not all foster children are as lucky as me. I was able to graduate from college, get married to a wonderful husband, get a great job, and have two beautiful babies. I guess I consider myself one of the lucky ones.”
Missy – I think those of us who consider you a friend are the lucky ones. Thank you for sharing your story of how one person can change the life of a child, and for your personal resilience to rise above. You, my dear, are an amazing woman.
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BARREN TO BLESSED 