Standing in line at the grocery store, I glanced over at the latest tabloid newspapers. As usual, they were spreading gossip about celebrities and others. I try not to put much effort into noticing these magazines. I see them not benefiting our society at all.
This time however, my eye caught one the latest headlines and I was somewhat stunned by what it said. A celebrity couple was splattered all over the covers with statements about how they are heading for a multi-million dollar divorce. According to the reports, the couple is divorcing because he “snapped” and stated “You can’t give me kids!”
When I read this, I thought “Oh no…no…no…no…they just didn’t go there!” Sure these magazines and tabloid papers stoop to pretty low levels and truly do not care whose lives they ruin by their false statements, invasion of privacy, and exaggerated facts, but this one really got to me. How disgustingly low of them to print something like this. Here are a few reasons I find this to be just simply awful:
- If the couple is truly in the midst of fertility struggles, then they may be dealing with the emotional hardships of it. This type of pain is only something that people who are infertile or otherwise struggling to become parents can understand. It is a pain that fluctuates with great highs and deep lows. It is a pain that leaves no mercy and that lingers.
- The assumption that their marriage is on the rocks because of infertility is a little insulting. I know plenty of people with biological children whose marriages have fallen apart. With that being said though, I suspect that marriages can be challenged by the stress of infertility. The wife may not understand the husband’s thinking or he may not know how to comfort her. One spouse may want to explore different options than the other. Both may be grieving at the same time. And, let’s face it, grief is a universal response to loss, but how one grieves is unique to that person.
- It always seems to be assumed that it is the woman who is the cause of infertility. Men can be infertile too. I know plenty of couples where the men have been diagnosed with infertility due to medical problems, etc.
- The statement “You can’t give me kids” is offensive. Marriage is not JUST about having kids. Plenty of people get married and choose to not have children. My husband knew going into our marriage that we would never have biological children. We started off on this adventure of marriage together knowing full well that our pursuit for children may not have been successful. Marriage is about love and commitment.
I know that the entire article may be false and completely without merit. Their marriage may be fine and infertility may not even be an issue. I really do not keep up with celebrity news as it is, but I could not help but feel bad for the wife. The insensitivity of it really bothered me. What if they are struggling with infertility? What if she is insecure right now about their marriage? It would be extremely painful to see one’s hardship splattered all over the papers for the rest of us to read about.
To be honest, I really thought long and hard about writing this post. A part of me feels like I too am benefiting from what was said as it gave me a topic to write about. However, the words I read on the front cover of the tabloid that day stayed with me for several days later. I actually went back to the store and snapped off a quick picture with my phone as I knew there might end up being a post about it brewing inside my thoughts.
Maybe that part of me that still lingers back in the days of growing up infertile feels the need to speak out and be a voice for others. I don’t know…I really never found my own voice about being barren throughout my adolescence and young adulthood, so now, it feels good to find my voice and to use it — sort of like a protective instinct over the matters of all things infertile.
The saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” is just wishful thinking (in my opinion). Words hurt. Words can be used as instruments of healing or instruments of hate. Words can be magical and speak vibrancy into so many things, but words can also drain the color. Words – whether true or not – can cut right into the heart of the pain someone is going through. It saddens me when the pain of others is turned into profit.
What is your opinion about this? Did you see the headline? I’m curious!!
3 thoughts on “Words Hurt!”
I did not see this headline, but it is as troublesome and terribly unfortunate as anything that can be said. As a woman who struggled with infertility and pregnancy loss, I know that it is ignorance like this that makes infertility such a lonely and lonesome journey. You’re right, words can cut, and cut deep.
Peace, Lisa from themommygauntlet.com
It is insensitive and ignorant. Infertility is a difficult road to navigate the way it is. I really struggled with even posting about it and made sure I cropped their names out of the pic. I just felt so compelled to say something! Thanks so much reading and for your comment. Blessings!
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