I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the girl I was before my hysterectomy. My surgery was not just another one chalked up in the history of who I am. It was a life-changing event. It was something that tarnished my rose-colored glasses view of the world.
I had not been a stranger to the hospital or illnesses before. At age two, I underwent an emergency appendectomy. At age seven, intestinal adhesions caused a blockage calling for another emergency surgery. But, the hysterectomy was a far more intense and dire experience.
This surgery affected everyone around me. It was not just about recovery. It was more than that. It was a game changer. My parent’s lives were instantly changed by it. My life, of course, was too.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed life. There was still laughter, new experiences, and friendships. But, after the surgery, sadness stowed itself away in me unbeknownst to many people.
Prior to this surgery, I was a dancer. By the time I was eleven, I had danced for eight years. I danced competitively and dreamt of performing on Broadway. My ultimate goal was to be a choreographer. However, something changed in me following the surgery. My body did not move the same way. It took more effort. My muscles had been emaciated from the infection and, to be honest, my spirit had been dampened by it as well.
Within a few years after my recovery, I quit dancing. I don’t know why really. My dance teacher told me many years later that she believed if the surgery would have never happened, I could have been a professional dancer. She too thought that it changed my body’s ability to move and nearly wiped me clean of the strength I once had.
So, here I am now at age forty still thinking of the days I danced. I’ve decided to write a poem to the little girl I once was whose dreams of dancing went to the wayside. I know that when my walk on this Earth has ended, I will be dancing before the Lord.
Dance away, little dancer. Dance before His throne. Dance for all the pain you have once known.
No longer taste the salt in your tears. Feel the movement taking away all of your fears.
Dance your life into a story, and let it be all for His glory.
Point your toes with every ounce of grace. See the expression of love on His face.
Dance away, little dancer. The one who longed to know the answer.
The answer to why that fateful time came. The longing for a life that would never be the same.
Your life interrupted with no fault of your own. In a single moment, your life’s tapestry was sewn.
Welcome home, little dancer. For now, you know the answer.
His love is your melody. Dance your praise for eternity.
You’ve danced your life into a story. And, it all has been for His glory.