I’m exhausted from the day. It is not that I’m physically exhausted, but emotionally exhausted. Our hearing was heard today to obtain custody of the precious little one who has come to live with us. I fret over his future, and yet, I love his birth mother as she too is a child I once carried around as an infant. My husband and I petitioned for guardianship of the baby because we love him and we love his birth mother, his grandmother, and his great-grandparents. We are all family, and family matters.
I’m exhausted from the day. I had to be on the witness stand to testify as to why I would be a good home for him. I had to prove myself, my experience, my relationships, and my stability. This is not the first time I’ve had to do this. Being a former foster parent felt like a constant attempt to prove myself as being worthy of being a parent. I have not cared for a single child that has come to me free of legal strings attached. I’ve had to testify and show the courts and other powers-that-be that I am capable of providing and loving on a child with-whom I’ve already taken into my home, cared for, and loved on. I’ve had to prove myself, and yet, the Lord already approves of me.
I’m exhausted from the day, but, I have this sense of inner peace. I know that my God loves this precious little one more than I can ever imagine. He commands this child’s destiny. He has written his past, his present, and his future. He sings over this baby, and He rejoices over his growth like a proud daddy. The Lord, and His word are the lamp upon his feet, and the light upon his path. Truthfully, He is the lamp upon all of our feet, and the light upon our paths.
I’m exhausted from the day, but also at peace knowing that the Lord would not set me and my family upon this path if any of this didn’t matter to Him. I sat in the court room today at the table with sweaty palms, quick breaths, and a rolling stomach. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and welcomed the Lord into the courtroom. I said softly to myself, “Lord, be with me.” Although nervous and uncertain what the Judge would think, I felt great strength knowing that God was with me.
I’m exhausted from the day, but not worn out. I know this fight, this passion to protect, and this path has been lit by the light of the Lord, and the choice to love the way He wants us to. I know that He is the lamp upon which my feet walk, and that each step forward may feel like it is in darkness, but not for long. I know that He will light the way.
Custody was granted for us today. This little babe that we love is with us for now at least. Custody may be temporary, and I may not know what the future holds for him or for his place in our family, but I know who holds his future. I know to trust the Lamp that will guide the child’s feet, and the Light that will brighten his path.
I know in the depths of my being that the Lord loves this precious baby more than I could ever imagine or fathom…now that is something that refreshes my soul.
2 thoughts on “The Lamp and the Light”
Reading this refreshes my soul this morning. This child is so blessed to have your love.
When we were fostering, I often fell back to the lines in one of the verses of the hymn “Because He Lives” – “This child can face uncertain days because He lives”. Bless you and your family as you undertake a new journey with this little one!