I watched my first baby walk through the doors of Kindergarten today. His backpack was nearly as big as him and even though he has grown so much over the years, he still seems too small to release into the big, new world of the school system. I have written before in my post Motherhood Dreams about certain things that I worried missing out on if I never became a mother. Well, sending a child to Kindergarten is one of those things. It is one of my so-called Bucket List Items that I can now check off as having completed.
As someone who is barren, I truly never thought this day would come. Now, as my mind is racing with a hint of sadness, nervousness, excitement, pride, and appreciation, I cannot help but think about the first time I saw him. As his (former) foster mother, I did not know for sure if I would even have him long enough to celebrate his first birthday so thinking about sending him off to his first day of Kindergarten was just a dream. Today, this dream came true.
I know sending a child to Kindergarten is not exactly the kind of action-packed, adrenaline-laced bucket list item that most people aspire to do. I get that. I too have wishes of high-flying adventures tucked away that I would like to experience in my lifetime. But, at the end of my life, I want to be able to look back at moments like this and remember them. I want to hear them, smell them, and feel them. I want them to be the moments that leave my heart happy and that remind of the gift of life.
His birth mother came to my mind a lot today as well. Another moment in time of great relevance has passed her by. I am so glad that I was the one to kiss him goodbye and take one last glance over my shoulder as I walked out the door of his classroom. Yet, at the same time, my heart felt a twinge of sadness that she was not able to. In my post, I thought of you today birth mother, I wrote down my feelings about her on the day he graduated from preschool. Today was no different. I suspect every milestone in his life and in mine will remind me of who she is, what she is missing, and the grace that has covered the both of us.
Today was more than just sending my first baby off to Kindergarten. It is one day that I am so thankful to have to cherish. I get another chance in a few years with my daughter, but for right now, I am going to soak up this moment as much as I can.
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.