The song titled, The Voice of Truth, by Christian band Casting Crowns is one of my favorites. I love this song. Each time it comes on the radio, I crank it up. The words of the chorus are quite simple:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story. The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid.” And the voice of truth says, “This is for my glory.” Out of all the voices calling out to me. I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
There was a time in my life when I did not know what truth was. I heard many “voices” but none of them were comforting. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there were moments in my growing years that whispers of darkness, cruel thoughts, and hurtful words were a part of my psyche.
I remember wondering after my hysterectomy if I had done something awful to cause it to happen. I thought that perhaps I should have been born a boy…yes…being a boy would have been much better than a girl who could not have babies. I also thought God surely knew I would make a terrible mother. He must have wanted to spare a child my mothering. Or, perhaps I was a child killer in a past life…even though I did not think past lives even existed.
As an adult, I wish I could say that these notions faded, but they did not. I found myself thinking that God did not want me to be a parent. If He wanted it, then it would have happened miraculously, quickly, and without any additional strife. I do not know if anyone who reads this believes in spiritual warfare, but I do. The fact that these horrific, cruel, depraved thoughts lingered in my mind as a child and an adult prove to me that spiritual warfare does exist. Not one adult ever said these things to me. Not one child, no one. Yet, I “heard” them.
Back in 2000, I started going to church again. As I began to do so, those hurtful words and notions took a backseat to the Truth that is found in the voice of God. The written Word became magnified. In Him, I began to hear “You are beautiful”, “You have purpose”, “Your life was worth saving”. Even more awesome though was the clarity I received from worship and reading the Word. I was able to recognize that the voices bringing me down were not of Him. They were flaming arrows of the enemy and I was the target.
His Word and the hope I found in Christ became my shield. The following verses spoke to me in ways that drowned out the cursed thoughts I once carried:
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Psalms 139:16 “Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”
Psalm 139:14 “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
Romans 5:2-5 “Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.“
Silence and suffering comes along with infertility. It can dishearten the strongest of believers. It can eat at the core of one’s relationship with the Lord. The enemy whispers “you don’t deserve to be a parent”, “you must have done something wrong”, “it must not be God’s will for you”….and many more things.
I can tell you that when in the pit of despair over barrenness, it is hard sometimes to hear anything but the words of the enemy. It is hard to see outside of the strife and beyond the pain. It is hard to hear the voice of Truth calling out. IT. IS. HARD.
However, as the song says, THE VOICE OF TRUTH TELLS ME A DIFFERENT STORY.
The stories of those of us who have struggled or are currently being challenged with the spiritual confusion of infertility are not written by the enemy or anyone else for that matter. Our stories have been written by the One whose voice is true; the One whose love is everlasting; the One whose shield is strong; the One who breathes life into the most destitute of situations; the One whose grace saves; the One who created us; the One who set our limits; and the One who has declared our future.
What’s the voice of truth telling you?
For those of you who are battling your way to parenthood, stay strong in your faith. Know that you are loved by a God who is bigger than your doubts. Know that He is not done with you yet. Know that your story is just unfolding. Take delight in the hope of His promises and the mystery of what He has in store.
Listen to His Voice of Truth. Be Blessed.