I ran into you the other day. You’ve changed. I hardly recognize you anymore. I’m sure you could say the same thing about me.
Do you remember the first time we met? I was young and sick. I was vulnerable, and innocent in so many ways. I didn’t understand you at all, and you did nothing to help me understand you. Instead, you covered me like tar. I tried to shake you off, but you stuck. Even worse, as I grew up, you became harder to remove from my skin, my thoughts, and my heart.
You stalked me. You ridiculed me, and you made me believe false things about myself, and about my future. I was forced to wear you like some uncomfortable skin. Everywhere I looked, I saw you. I could not look at a child, and not think of you. I heard you hissing painful reminders to me, and I felt you pound on my heart each time I tried to picture myself as a mother.
Oh, you met me where I was at alright. You confronted me in each vulnerable moment of my life. You chose to mix me up. You twisted my thoughts, and tore at me. You even tried to make me believe that I was half the female my friends were. You made me question my design, my worth, and my purpose. You did your very best to take me down….didn’t you?
Infertility…you are not bigger than you think you are. You have claimed power in so many people’s lives, but, you are only powerful when preying on people’s weaknesses and insecurities.
Infertility…you are despicable.
Can I tell you something? I felt you tremble a little when I was confronted with the love and the hope of Christ. My Father met me where I was at, but unlike you, He wrapped a blanket of hope, forgiveness, and shelter for the future. My regrets slid off of my skin when I encountered Him.
One day, I will stand before my Father in Heaven, and you will not be standing there next to me. You will not be my sidekick, my story, or my painful moment of life. You will be gone…gone…gone!
I used to think that when I got to Heaven, I would ask about you. I wanted to have a deep discussion about why you came at me like you did. I do not need this conversation anymore. I have my answer….I HAVE MY ANSWER. My answer is a blue-eyed, Tomboy who loves her daddy, a blonde-haired charmer who is always one step ahead of me, and a little brown-eyed babe who loves to cuddle.
My answer is the redemption I found in the unstoppable, unfailing love of Christ, and in the unfolding chapters that have been written for my life. You did not write my future out. You did not dictate how my life would go, even though you thought you would. You were wrong. You were so very wrong.
Dear infertility, I ran into you the other day. You look different from what you used to look like. I hardly recognize you anymore, and you feel so different now. You are lighter…barely even noticeable. You seem so small and weak compared to how you used to be.
Funny thing is….I must look different too….I must feel different to you.
Truth is….I AM different from the person I used to be, and, praise God for that.
2 Corinthians 5:17-Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!