The first night I started this blog, I had no idea really what the heck I was doing. I just felt the urge to write. It started when I began to journal about my hysterectomy a few years ago. I guess I held so much in over the past 25+ years that once I started writing, there was not an end in sight. I do not want to stop. Writing is therapeutic, and each time I write, I learn from it. I am pretty sure most bloggers can relate to this.
I know I am not the best writer and often make grammatical mistakes, but writing is not about perfection anyway (at least in my opinion). Writing, like life, has moments of grit, sorrow, heroism, and laughter. Writing has given voice to the imperfections of my life and to the yearning to be understood in the world. Writing releases the words my heart wants to say.
I have to be honest, I really did not spend a lot of time coming up with my blog name. Growing up knowing I would not be able to have biological children caused me to think of my barren self as being cursed. I do not mean cursed in the witch-crafty, voodoo kind of way necessarily; although I wondered that from time to time soon after it happened. For whatever reason, I felt that I was intentionally blocked from having a “normal” life. Of course, now that I am an adult, I do not know of anyone who has had a “normal” life.
Adding children to my life has given me a taste of living a life outside of my own. Parenting children continues to bring meaning and sense to life and the things that have happened. But, the meaning behind my blog name is more than just about the children. I walked a long and difficult road to see the Lord for who He is in my life. I was void (barren) of listening to His will, reading His word, and leaning on His hope. I did not see a purpose for what happened. I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel…until I saw the Light that is Him.
The Lord was calling me back to Him long before I even gave a thought about becoming a foster/adoptive parent. My blog name obviously represents the blessings that come from children. If my life ended up without children, there would have been sadness of course. I know that. However, I also know that life in Christ is a life worth living and for that I am truly blessed.