Trust Your Heart

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ – Matthew 25:40

Here’s another sweet story about adoption-

Although Scott and Cammie were blessed with three children, they knew their family was incomplete and yearned for another child. They were unable to have anymore biological children and had been considering international adoption when Cammie came across an exhibit about adoption of children with Down Syndrome at a convention. It tugged at her heart and she left the conference with an application in hand.

Upon returning home, Cammie approached Scott about the idea and showed him the application. He quickly responded with “Why is it still blank?!” Their family had some concerns but were also very supportive of their decision. Cammie is adopted as well so it just seemed to be a natural thing for their family to do. They followed their heart and went through an agency in hopes of being matched with a child who needed a home.

After waiting for two years, they were matched with Addysen, and were so overjoyed! She was 7-months-old at the time. Their adoption is considered open and Addy’s birth parents visit once per year, and they exchange emails. Cammie is pleased to have the level of openness that she does with Addy’s birth parents. This is something she wished she would have had as a child. She is not sure if Addy will ever completely understand adoption, but they continue to openly talk about it.

Scott and Cammie feel the biggest joy of their adoption of Addy is watching her develop and grow to the best of her ability. Because of her special needs, they celebrate each skill she accomplishes. They enroll her in dancing and other activities so that she can develop her social, physical, and emotional skills. Addy is loved and accepted by her extended family and community. She brings great happiness to their lives.

The biggest challenge is dealing with Addy’s health issues. She has multiple complications and spends many days in the hospital. Scott and Cammie have developed a team approach to taking care of Addysen’s medical needs and lean on each other for support during the difficult times. They are wonderful parents to her.

Adoption has taught them that each family is unique and special. It has taught their children that every person is a child of God who is loved deeply regardless of where the person comes from or who they are. Their advice to families considering adoption is trust your heart. If you desire to adopt, then you should follow your heart. Adopting a child with Down Syndrome or other special need may not be for everyone, but they just knew it was meant for them. Adoption has been a tremendous blessing and they cannot imagine life without it!

On a side note, Scott and Cammie are now foster parents and are taking care of a little one with special needs! For information about adopting children with Down Syndrome, please click here. The ministry linked is call Reece’s Rainbow. They advocate for the adoption of children with Down Syndrome from all over the world. Many of these precious babies are abandoned, and in need of loving homes. Here is a link to Cammie’s blog as well The Heflin Family.

Thankfulness

Happy Thanksgiving! Here’s my top ten list of things I’m thankful for:

Grace – the Lord knows I’m a mess, but He loves me anyway.
Love – my husband knows I’m a mess, but he loves me anyway.
Adoption of my children – my life is much more colorful because of them.
My job – I’m blessed to work for a child welfare agency that understands that our own families come before those we work with.
Freedom – to get an education, to go to church, to live without fear.
Salvation – Jesus chose us over His life. What a beautiful Savior!
My parents – for their support & for never allowing me to be a victim of my own set of circumstances. I cannot imagine how painful my hysterectomy must have been on them.
Revelation – the Lord has spoken His will into my life and has shown me that His plan had a purpose & for that I am so grateful for.
Friendships – my friends also know I’m a mess, but they love me anyway
Reading/writing & fellow bloggers – I’m so glad I stumbled onto writing. I always knew I enjoyed it, but never realized how much of an outlet it is. Thank you all for reading my blog, and thank you for sharing your worlds through writing your blogs.

Oh yeah, I’m also thankful for moments like these, and so many more!!

Four Years of Firsts

My girl, Happy 4th Birthday to You! I didn’t know about you the day you were born. I wasn’t there to welcome you into the world, and to see you take your first breath of Earthly air. I didn’t greet your sweet face with a gasp of joy. My arms were not the first ones to hold you. I didn’t hear your first cry or witness the doctor say how precious you were. I didn’t feed you your first bottle, change your first diaper, or pick out your first garment. I didn’t lock you safely in your car seat and drive you home to your first crib. Our home was not your first one, but our family is yours forever.

Your first year was so special. I celebrated your first taste of real food, your first embraces, your first steps, your first words, and, of course, your first birthday. I cared for your first boo-boos and scared away your first fears. I bought several pink outfits for the first time. There were many firsts that you only had with me. No, I wasn’t there for your first breath of Earthly air, but I was there for your first year.

Your second year came so quickly. I listened as your vocabulary took off and saw how your shy spirit took a backseat to your ever-emerging confident self. I noticed that your first friend was your brother. You were not quite two when our adoption was finalized. I penned your new name for the first time! I took you on your first “girl’s day” shopping spree, and tucked you into your first big girl bed. No, I wasn’t there for your first breath of Earthly air, but I was there for your second year.

Year three seemed to fly by so fast. You learned to dress yourself, and I laughed at some of your first outfits you pulled together. I took you to your first dentist appointment and applauded at how well you brushed your teeth. You and I squealed with excitement at your first tube ride behind papa’s boat. I noticed how quickly you learned to spell your name for the first time. I was amazed at how easily you seemed to pick up on your first numbers and other preschool lessons. I took you to your first dance recital, and wiped tears away while watching you twirl on the stage. No, I wasn’t there for your first breath of Earthly air, but I was there for your third year.

Here we are at the start of another year of life together. How many firsts will we discover this year? I may not have been there to watch you take your first breath of Earthly air, but I am here now. We are here now. I love you so much daughter, and thank the Lord for gracing us with the blessings of you and your four years of firsts.

Much More

Adoption: The act of transferring parental rights and duties to someone other than the adopted person’s biological parents. (Concise Encyclopedia/Merriam Webster)

I ran across this definition of adoption when doing some research. It seems so simple; too simple. It doesn’t take into account the emotion, waiting, persistence, patience, grief, giving, receiving, love, and joy that travel along the way towards adoption, and it certainly doesn’t describe life held after adoption. It is so much more than just transferring parental rights.

Adoption is hope. It is commitment. It is patience. It is waiting. It is grief. It is joy. It is giving. It is love. It is receiving.

I gave myself away to my children before they were legally mine. I did not wake up the morning of their adoptions and discover new-found love based on transfer of parental rights. I dreamed of them. I yearned for them. I grieved for them. My soul grasped for them. My imagination sculpted them. Truthfully speaking, I loved them before I even met them.

In return, I received so much more than the legal status of being called mom. I have been given the chance to push a little harder to make the world better for them. I have been awarded the opportunity to imprint their lives with love. I have received living, breathing, laughing joy.

I have received those moments of feeling full well the Lord’s penmanship of my life. I see the Lord in my children’s eyes. I feel Him in their embrace. I hear Him in their wonder of the world. I still remember being that girl who didn’t know when or if I would ever be healed from the pain of barrenness. I still think about her and who she used to be. I still grieve at times for what she went through and for the pain she carried through the years. But then….I look at my children, feel His presence, and know full well that I am healed.

Adoption deserves so much more than a legalistic definition. It is defined by the path that one walks – whether birth parent, adoptive parent, or adopted child. It is shaped by the loss along the way. It is refined by the waiting. It is colored by the emotion and highlighted by the joy. It is enhanced from the giving, and humbled by the receiving. It is love in action, hope in process, and life lived in the full awareness of Him.

Yes…adoption is so much more.

Stop Bragging

This is post #15 of National Adoption Month! I thought I would pass along a short, but sweet story told to me by an elderly lady when she heard that my children were adopted. Here it is….

There was a little girl and her mother at the grocery store. The little girl kept running up to people and saying “I’m adopted! I’m adopted!” After doing this for quite some time, her mother said to her, “Sweetie, stop bragging.”

I don’t know about you, but it made me smile the first time I heard it. Adoption really is something quite sacred, special, and worthy of bragging about!

Have a blessed day!

The Adoption Creed

Not flesh of my flesh,
Nor bone of my bone,
But still Miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute,
You did not grow under my heart,
But in it.

-Fleur Conkling Heyliger

This is another well-known poem about adoption. I did not carry my children in my body. I carried them in my prayers, hopes, dreams, tears, imagination, and heart.

The Chosen Heart

THE CHOSEN HEART

Longing for a child to love,
I’d wish upon the stars above.
In my heart I always knew,
A part of me was meant for you.

I think how happy we will be,
Once I adopt you, and you adopt me.

I dream of all the joy you’ll bring,
Imagining even the littlest things.
The way it will feel to hold you tight
And tuck you in every night.

The drawings on the refrigerator door
And childhood toys across the floor,
The favorite stories read again and again
And hours of fun with make believe friends.

The day you took my outstretched hand
A journey ended but our love began.
Still mesmerized by your sweet face
Still warmed inside by our first embrace.

I promised to give you a happy home
And a loving family all your own.
A house you’ve now made complete
with laughter,smiles, and tiny feet.

A parent is one who guides the way
Know I will be there every day
Rest easy as each night you sleep
A lifetime of love is yours to keep

Longing for a child to love
I’d wish upon the stars above.
In my heart I always knew
A part of me belonged to you.

-Teri Harrison

This is another one of my favorite adoption poems. I especially love that it speaks of the sense of belonging between parent and child, and of being meant for each other. I know that I was meant to be the mother of my children, and they were meant to be mine. They just traveled their way to me in different vessels!

Have a wonderful day!

It Just Takes One Family

“There are no unwanted children, just unfound families.” The National Adoption Center

I have this quote taped to my desk at work. I believe it to be true; however, it can get discouraging when children end up growing up in the system because families are not found. There is a push for placing with relatives and for searching out extended family members who may not even be aware that children have entered custody. I agree that this should be a priority when it comes to finding relatives for children who have lingered in care for too many years. Sadly, it does not always happen for them. I know of several children who came into care at age 10 and exited out at age 18-21. Basically, they grew up belonging to a system, but not a family.

Then, there are those stories that are so incredibly encouraging, and remind me that “we” (meaning those in the field) should never give up on finding permanent families for children. I know of children who came into care between the ages of 9-12, their biological parents rights were terminated, and they lingered in the system for several years until meeting that one family that made all the difference.

When I did direct case management work I had a girl on my case load who came into care at age 9. She spent several years wandering between foster homes, disrupting out of some, being promised adoption by others, but never really connecting with any of them. One day though, that all changed. She met a young set of foster parents who provided respite for her. Their connection was almost instant.

A few months after she moved in, the foster mom called me and told me that this girl was making infant noises at the table and asking the mom to feed her with a baby spoon. The foster mom was not panicked, but wanted to understand why this teenage girl would do this. I suggested (I’m no expert) that perhaps it is because this girl had always been the mom to her younger siblings. She never had the chance to be mothered. I offered that the foster mom should just “go with it” for a few more weeks to see if it subsides. Sure enough, a week or so later, the girl stopped doing this and went back to feeding herself like a 15-year-old should. Her foster family adopted her right before her 16th birthday. Instead of moving from one family to another, she stayed with a family of her own.

Another situation I know of involved a foster family who desperately wanted to adopt a little girl between the ages of 0-3. They had been matched with a little one, but that situation did not work out for them for several reasons. I had sent out a profile of a 15-year-old girl who had been in care for a few years. She was bright and wanted to attend college, but truthfully, the odds were against if she stayed in the system much longer.

After reading her profile, the foster family called me and asked to learn more about her. Imagine my surprise when they inquired about her! I think I needed to clarify that she was 15 years and not 15 months old! After meeting her and being interviewed by the professional team, the foster dad called and said words that have stayed with me for years.

“Caroline, we may not have bought her first Easter dress, or been around for her first Christmas, but we realize that there are many firsts that we can give her. I will be the first father she has ever had.”

This conversation is one of those nuggets of goodness that I hold on to while working in child welfare. They did go on to adopt her and the last I heard, she was doing extremely well in school and preparing to look at colleges. Her dreams are being realized because of one found family.

I have said over and over again throughout my career in child welfare that “it only takes one family”, and I believe this. This is the reason why the quote from the National Adoption Center is pasted on to my desk at work. Part of my job responsibilities is to forward profiles of foster children in need of adoptive homes to families who are hoping to adopt. Just this week, I have already forwarded around 5 or so profiles. As I do this, I think to myself “it only takes one family.”

One family can make the difference in the life of a child. One family can provide the soil to which a child can lay down roots. One family can offer the encouragement and structure needed that will start the child on his or her path to college or a career. One family can show by actions and words what it feels like to be a part of a healthy home. One family can help to break generational cycles of abuse and neglect. In the same tone, one family can potentially make a generational change in the lives of children. And, one family can model the grace, love, and acceptance that we all long for.

The Love of A Family

Here’s another amazing story of the blessing that is adoption!

This is the story of TJ and Valery, along with their children Arianna, age 9, Johnovan, age 8, Addelyn, age 6, and Deandre, age 6. Their family has been enlarged and enhanced by adoption out of the foster care system.

TJ and Valery had 2 biological children when they decided to consider adoption. Both pregnancies were extremely difficult. Valery was on bed rest for 22 week for their first daughter, then 6 weeks for their second daughter. Their third pregnancy sadly ended in miscarriage. It was during this difficult time that they realized their longing for more children.

They decided to pursue international adoption and did a tremendous amount of research They kept hitting road block after road block and felt that perhaps their path needed to change. After coming across websites about foster care and adoption, they chose to sign up for fostering classes. Within a month, they were well on their way to becoming a licensed foster home.

Shortly after being licensed, Valery learned of 2 boys possibly in need of an adoptive home. Valery was able to speak to the foster-mother of the boys and decided to become their primary respite provider. Respite is a service that foster families do for each other – like babysitting. The family provided respite for several months and enjoyed getting to know the boys.

In July of 2011, TJ and Valery were invited to attend an adoption staffing for the boys. There were 2 other families that were interviewed as well. Adoption staffings are part of the selection process through the foster care system. A staffing is a formal interview with potential adoptive homes and the team members who have been involved with the case from the beginning. Two days passed until they got the phone call they had been waiting for. TJ and Valery were selected as the adoptive family for the boys!

The family finalized their adoption in June of 2012! The boys now have a family to call their own and a place to grow their wings. This is what all children deserve. The family did not stop at adoption though as they continue to provide foster care to children with higher level of needs; such as emotional and behavioral issues. Even before being matched with Johnovan and Deandre, they provided foster care and helped reunify children with their birth parents.

Growing up, Valery had the goal of eventually being a foster/adoptive parent. She had friends in the foster care system and hoped one day that she too would provide a home to children in need. TJ was a little more slow to warm up to the idea. However, with the wonderful support of their extended family, their decision to become foster/adoptive parents was one that they do not regret.

The biggest joy they get out of parenting their children is watching them achieve milestones in their lives. One of the boys struggled immensely in reading and had fairly severe behavior problems at school. Through the efforts of Valery advocating for his needst, he is doing very well and has made tremendous strides. She believes that love, attention, security, and “good ole’ fashion” mothering have played parts in his success.

The biggest challenge of their experience so far has been understanding and parenting children with behavioral issues that are directly tied to the chaotic home environment and/or abuse and neglect the children have experienced. They have learned that progress may be slow, but at least it is progress! Plus, a sense of humor is key to enjoying each other’s diversity and the unique factors that make up their family. TJ and Valery urge others to consider taking in older youth who are in the foster care system. They love babies, but have found that older children add so much to a family, and need stability in their lives.

Foster care and adoption has taught them to be more open-minded about people and to empathize a little more with parents whose children are throwing tantrums. Valery knows now that one’s experience as a child may shape his or her approach to parenting as an adult, and one really never knows what someone else has been through in life.

TJ and Valery believe they are like most families. They are busy running the kids back and forth for their extracurricular activities, and breaking up fights between siblings. They have those parenting moments of praising each other for tasks well done, and getting on to each other for tasks undone. They look different and come from different pasts, but they are family.

In Valery’s words, “We’ve got our ups and downs and sometimes the downs feel really down, but then something wonderful happens and the love of our family pulls us all back together again.”

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. -1 Corinthians 13:7

Orphan Sunday

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. -James 1:27

Today is Orphan Sunday. When I read and think about the Scripture verse above, the key words that jump out at me are pure and faultless. When I consider the efforts made to care for and take notice of orphans, I believe wholeheartedly that there is authentic pureness in the energy put forth. I do not know of anyone who sets out to care for children orphaned and abandoned on the streets in a far-off country that does it for money, glamour, or anything else really. They are motivated by pure love, genuine passion, and an eternal calling.

The words pure and faultless are absolutely right on in describing these actions.

So, today, will you join the cause for orphans? Will you reach out to a widow? Will you pray for the millions of orphans in the world and the 100,000+ in the US foster care system who are in need of adoption?

Here are a couple of websites regarding children in need of adoption and orphans around the world. Perhaps, the first step to understanding the plight of so many children is to gain knowledge of them. I hope you find these website informative. (Of course, there are many more on the web!)

Christian Alliance for Orphans

Show Hope

AdoptUSKids

May the Lord bless your day!