Category: General

It’s today, birth mother.

It’s today, birth mother, the anniversary of our adoption of our son…your son.  Somehow, this year, it sort of snuck up on me.  The moment I realized it, I thought of you.

Our son is growing up too fast.  I look at him sometimes and wonder where that curly blonde-haired boy went.  I imagine, though, that you might think the same thing.

He does not want to snuggle as much as he used to.  Forget about hugging me in public.  No, those days are just a memory.  However, he still carries within him the same sweetness, loyalty, and love that he has always possessed.  I suspect, or at least I hope, these things will not fade as his youthful spring turns into an aging summer.

It’s today, birth mother, the anniversary of one of the most significant experiences in my life, and yet, I’m thinking of you.  It is odd, you know…two strangers whose lives greatly differ; yet, forever sewn together by the tapestry of a child.  Honestly, I cannot think of anything more beautiful.

Our son is smart, athletic, creative, and just a wonderful child.  His heart always seems to land in the right spot, even though his actions may not show it.  Behind that urging to fit in, be just “one of the guys”, and deal with the pressure of growing up in today’s society, is a boy whose future is full of adventures.

As I watch him develop, I gaze at his features, consider his personality, and marvel at his being.  That’s my job…to admire, to ponder, and to be amazed by him. However, it was once your job as well, and that is something I will never forget.

It’s today, birth mother.  Today is the day the gavel fell and he was declared mine forever.  Do you want to know something?  Despite the legalities of it all, I still believe that he will also be forever your’s.  How can I not feel this way?

I wasn’t there when he entered this world.  I didn’t hold him on my chest when he was breathing Earthly air for the first time.  I didn’t name him.  While this has grieved me some through the years, I cannot help but be thankful that you had those moments…those precious, unforgettable moments.

I don’t regret anything, birth mother.  No.  Instead, I am forever changed by the time we had together while we were all navigating the world of foster care.  The system isn’t pretty.  I know that you understand that so well.  It doesn’t create too many divine moments.  However, what happened between you, our son, and I was splendid.  The system cannot define it.

Today, birth mother, is the anniversary of our adoption.  Today, birth mother, I not only celebrate my son, but I also honor who you are, what you meant to me during our foster care journey, and how much you mean to me now.

Our son is wonderful.  He is everything you hoped he would be.  And that, birth mother, fills my heart with gratitude, contentment, and delight.

Jars of Clay {God’s Greatest Treasure}

It had been a rough week with our daughter. She’s extremely sweet at times, but at other times, she can be quite difficult. As we left for church last Sunday, all I was thinking is how much I just wanted to crawl back in bed.

My daughter wanted to stay with us for the worship songs before she went to her Sunday school class. Although I really wanted her to go to her class, I know how much it means to stand together with your child and worship God.

Soon into our service the song “Broken Vessels” by Hillsong Worship was sung. The song uses part of the song “Amazing Grace” in it. Although I was dwelling on the issues of the week, and the problems we had just right before we left for church, I began to listen and hear my six-year-old daughter sing,

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found, was blind but now I see.”

My daughter has said for several years that “Amazing Grace” is her favorite song. I sing it to her every night before she falls asleep. As her little voice sang the words, my heart was punched.

A little further along in the song are these lyrics,

“You take our failure. You take our weakness. You set Your treasure In jars of clay. So take this heart, Lord, I’ll be Your vessel. The world to see,Your love in me.”

As I tried to sing the words, my mind and heart were interrupted by the thoughts of my daughter, my other children, and my own life. Soon, I was wiping tears away.

During the song while listening to my daughter sing, I was convicted at the very existence of my daughter, and all of us.

Broken vessels.

Wounded. Weak. Full of failures.

Jars of clay.

God’s greatest treasure.

Did you read that? Inside of us is God’s greatest treasure.

Despite our failings as we walk this Earth, and despite our histories, our greatest regrets, and our current circumstances, inside us dwells the greatest treasure of all.

Friends, if you are feeling less than what you wished you would be, confused by your circumstances, or perhaps, that you are not worthy of love, remember this,

YOU are GOD’s TREASURE.

Isn’t that something to cherish?

Top 10 Characteristics of Successful Foster and Adoptive Families {Adoption.Com Article}

Adoption.Com published an article I wrote titled, Top 10 Characteristics of Successful Foster and Adoptive Families.  You can read the article by clicking here.

In my line of work, part of the responsibilities my staff and I have is to assess families who are interested in becoming foster and adoptive families for children in state custody.  We look at a variety of characteristics, as well as, the past and present functioning of the family system.

The characteristics in this article are just a few that prospective foster/adoptive families should take into consideration.  If you are considering becoming a foster family, take a moment to read through the article.  I hope it will help you discern whether foster parenting is the right fit for you and your family.

International Adoption: Changing Hearts, Changing Lives {Adoption.Com article}

I recently wrote an article about one family’s story of their adoption from Ethiopia for the website Adoption.Com.  As I was writing the story, I was moved to tears from the imagery of the words of the mother.

“When we picked up our kids at the orphanage, I remember pulling into the compound, the taxi pulling in through the locked gate, then kids flooding out of the house, running toward our car. There were probably 40 children there, climbing on us, saying “Mommy” and “Daddy.”

Surely, there is more that we can do as a world full of beating hearts and stable homes.  Whether they come from Ethiopia, China, or are in the United States Foster Care system, there is no excuse for children growing up in this world without a family.

Consider what you can do.  Get inspired.  Do something.

You can read the article by clicking on the link below:

International Adoption: Changing Hearts, Changing Lives

Wow, God. Just wow.

There are some days that parenting is just like, “Whoa, God. Where in the heck are You? I mean the kids are driving me crazy!”

I worry about their behaviors. I wonder if my children are the only ones acting like this. I visualize massive failure as a parent.

Then, there are other days where it is like, “Wow, God. I feel You in the warm embraces of my young ones. I see You in their innocent and beautiful faces.”

I cherish the sweet moments of softhearted notes left for me. I hear their whispers of curiosity about life, and I realize that I am a good-enough parent.

Most of all though, I realize that parenting is not black and white. It is not even grey. It is full of color.

There are over-the-moon moments when I think to myself, “Yes! That lesson was learned!” There are also moments when I cry into my pillow saying, “No…no…this cannot happen again.”

These are the moments when I realize that maybe God is the most present.

For in these moments, I catch just a glimpse of the complexity of our relationship with our Father. There just may be moments when He thinks, “Yes!” Yet, there also may be moments when He thinks, “No…no…not again.”

At the end of it all, one thing is certain. Parenting requires daily attention. It requires humility, admitting our own faults, and faithfully remembering that God’s got this.

He knows our struggles. He also knows our children’s struggles.  He, too, is a Father. Remembering that, my soul says, “Wow, God. Just wow.”

The Hope of Heaven

“Earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal.”

This lyric is part of a song by the David Crowder band. Every time I hear this part of the song, it always seems to stay with me a bit. I’ve even thought, “Is there really no sorrow that heaven can’t heal?”

I think about the loss of children, the violence of the world, the dissolution of relationships, the heartbreak of lost hopes, and the sorrow of barrenness, and I wonder, honestly, can heaven heal these wounds?

Sometimes, the depth of despair experienced as we create our footsteps on this soil seems so deep that, perhaps, even heaven cannot dig us out of it.

But then, I think about the hope of Heaven. I think about the majesty of it all, and I realize that while sorrow visits us here, it will not stick with us forever.

On this Easter Sunday, I feel the hope of Heaven even more.  Thank you, Jesus, for You have overcome the grave.

From Infertility to Adoption: Nine Factors to Consider {Adoption.Com Article}

I recently wrote an article for Adoption.Com regarding some important factors to consider when one is facing infertility, and thinking about adoption.  Moving towards adoption after years of infertility is a serious decision, and requires lots of thought.

There are many facets to both infertility and adoption; however, it is vital to separate the two experiences in life as much as possible.  The article suggests nine crucial things to consider before taking the next step in one’s journey to parenthood.

You can read the article by clicking on the link:

From Infertility to Adoption: Nine Factors to Consider

Blessings,

Caroline

From the Very Start

I keep You in that hiding place, the one tucked in my heart.
The place that You breathed life into from the very start.

When troubles seem to come my way that I do not understand,
I seek You in my hiding place, for You set my feet on land.

From the time I met You on that glorious day,
I knew You loved me regardless of the times I went astray.

My loving Father, doting Dad, and Creator of my life,
You are my ever-present backbone when facing uncertain strife.

When the world disappoints, and hearts break all around,
In You, my Savior, my hope and worth is always found.

Barrenness has called to me, and tried to declare its name,
But You, oh Father, You lifted my head from devastating shame.

Illness, confusion, and sadness suddenly took hold,
Yet, You poured into me that I’m worth more than gold.

To think that You have walked with me through the years,
It softens my soul knowing that You have carried all of my tears.

I may never understand the pain, desperation, and strife,
Still, I know and celebrate that You are the Giver of Life!

If I had to leave it all, my home, my life, and health,
I would follow You in an instant, for You are more than wealth.

In these days of worldly chaos and things that don’t make sense,
I do not fear what is thrown at me, for You are my defense.

I keep You in that hiding place, the one tucked in my heart,
The place that You breathed life into from the very start.

Jesus, Savior, Loving God, and Maker of us all,
In You, I find great peace and joy, in You, I do not fall.

I keep You in that hiding place, the one tucked in my heart,
For You, oh God, You have carried me from the very start.

Psalm 139: 13-18

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand – when I awake, I am still with you.

Adoption at the Movies {Adoption.Com Article}

Foster and Adoptive Parents,

Do you ever watch a movie with your children and become uncomfortable when the topic of adoption comes up?  How about when the theme of foster care and/or adoption is negative?  

There have been moments in movies when I have wondered what my kids were thinking when these themes come up.

Well, there is a way that you can now get a review of movies from the adoption perspective!  My friend, Addison, has a website solely devoted to reviewing movies in order to help foster and adoptive families.

I wrote about this in my article on the Adoption.Com website. I hope you find his reviews beneficial.  I know I have!

Click on this link to be taken to the article:  Adoption at the Movies

Blessings,

Caroline

Imperfect Families with a Perfect Purpose

In a recent email conversation with a friend, the topic of adoptive families being perceived or expected to always be happy came up. My friend expressed concern for the need to break this stereotype or expectation.

I wholeheartedly agreed with my friend. From the outside of things, our family looks pretty good. Three cute children, smiling faces, and the outgoing statements of how blessed we are seems to permeate the air that we surround.

However, the truth is that adoptive families are not always “happy”. We are not always happy. We don’t always see eye-to-eye. Our children (sometimes) exhibit behaviors and other issues that seem to be directly linked to genetic trademarks and/or other concerns related to when they were in the womb of their birth mothers. Sometimes, they are just being kids making really poor choices.

My husband and I attended a training today that was devoted to parenting children with unique needs (social, emotional, behavioral). As the trainer talked about brain development and the impact of neglect, I thought to myself, “This is not happy.”

The trainer went on to speak about children who put themselves last to take care of their parents and siblings, and the potentially destructive results of this. Again, I thought, “This is not happy.”

All of the families in the training are walking the difficult road of parenting children whose beginnings in life were estranged from normalcy, whose health and well-being were often the last thing anyone thought of, and whose lives have been dramatically changed by circumstances beyond their control. In many respects, I feel the most comfortable when around other families who share similar experiences.

Listening to families share their experiences was invaluable. Watching men cry over the heartbreak of their child’s history, while also reveling in just how far their children have come, was also very touching. Recognizing that we are not alone in our struggles was incredibly encouraging.

So tonight, I’m thankful for the shared experiences of foster and adoptive families who have stepped out of their own comfort zones, and stepped forward into the battle ground of child abuse and neglect.

I’m thankful for families who keep pushing ahead, despite the wounded pasts of their children. I’m also thankful for the opportunity to connect with others who have chosen to stand up to the stereotypes, and bravely care for children who otherwise just might not make it in this world where fairness and kindness do not always exist.

To say we are blessed is true. To say we have many joyful and happy moments is also true. To say that we strive to be resilient, mindful, and intentional is true as well.

But, to say that our hearts do not break for what our (meaning foster/adoptive families as a whole) children struggle with is not true. There are many foster/adoptive families waging wars against the painful realities of their children’s histories.

So next time you are around someone involved in the child welfare system, offer a kind word, tell them that you are encouraged by their courage, show them that you too care for abused and neglected children, and pray that the Lord would heal their hurts, give them wisdom, and surround them with His hedge of protection.

Don’t expect us to be happy all of the time.

Instead, see us as what we are – imperfect families with a perfect purpose.