Your Worth is not Defined By Your Ability to get Pregnant

Your worth is not defined by your ability to get pregnant.

Read that again.

One of the many troubles this virus has caused is in the area of “non-essential” medical appointments. Infertility treatments and appointments fall into that category.

But for so many couples, these appointments feel essential. Crucial to their plans. Important to their dreams. Vital in their next step in building their family.

Imagine grieving and struggling with the loss that infertility brings, taking the courageous step to make a doctor appointment, and then getting the call that it has all been postponed. In an instant, fear and sadness creep in. All of that pent-up hope spills out.

But, friend, your worth is not defined by your ability to get pregnant.

I had to learn this over the years; to discover my worth is not caught up in that one aspect of womanhood. It wasn’t easy, of course. Usually, these things aren’t.

On this Easter weekend, please remember this.

You are more valuable than any riches on Earth.

God hasn’t forsaken you.

When Jesus headed up that hill to the Cross, he had you on his mind.

Your worth is not defined by your ability to get pregnant.

Remember this.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

April showers bring May flowers. Seems like a perfect time to focus on this thought. I wanted, better yet, needed to change the tone of our home life since being in a shelter-in-place status. The moods of our children and my husband and I have not been the best. (Embarrassed to admit that.)

Last night, after taping a paper petal-less flower that I created to the wall, I called the kids together and had them sit down in front of it.

“You know this is a difficult time for everyone and I haven’t been in the best of moods, lately. But God reminded me today that there we can always find things to be thankful for even in hard times. You may not know this, but you are living in a major historical event.”

“Really?!”

“When I worked in a nursing home, I got to talk to an elderly man who was a child during the 1918 Spanish flu. What we’re going through right now is like it because this virus is happening right now around the world. Do you know what the man remembered about it? How his mom and dad kept him and his siblings safe and alive because they had to stay indoors all of the time.” (I didn’t tell them about how his mom used whiskey as medicine. They don’t need that idea.)

I went on to tell them that even though this older man remembered how bad the flu was, he also remembered the good things that happened while being kept safe in his house.

“I know it’s hard to be in the home all of the time, but we can always find things to be thankful for. April showers bring May flowers and what we’re going through right now is similar to a storm. But, guess what? There are things each day that we can be happy about and hopefully, in May, there will be lots of flowers.”

I then pointed to the giant flower on the wall. “I made a lot of petals out of paper. Each day when you wake up or throughout the day if you think of something you are thankful for, write it down, put your name on it and give it to me to tape up. When this is over, we can look at our flower in full bloom!”

Each kid grabbed a petal and wrote something they’re thankful for today. My husband and I did as well.

April showers bring May flowers. My hope is my kids will learn that even when things seem uncertain, we can always find a reason to be thankful.

“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.” – Psalm 9:1

Medical Trauma Has Been on My Mind

Medical trauma has been on my mind. Despite, or maybe because of, the current pandemic that is disrupting all of our lives, I’m pressing onward in writing my story. I want to remember every detail; all of the moments of anguish just as much as the squeals of delight. Medical problems are traumatizing and often overlooked when we study trauma-informed care. I knew my mom would have more answers for me but I also knew that a hard conversation needed to occur.

“Mom, I need a favor. I’m working on a writing project and need for you to try to remember all of the details about my surgery and the time you spent at the hospital with me.”

“Um…well…I remember it as if it was yesterday but then I also have times during it that I’ve blocked out or something. I’ll try…I just don’t know if I can remember all of it.”

Within seconds, Mom started pouring out details of that fateful time in 1983. The paper quickly filled up with notes. I barely kept up with her. Her voice cracked a few times, followed by a drawn-out silence until picking back up where she left off. I knew she was holding back tears. I knew this was hard for her to go there again. As you can see in the image, Mom thought she couldn’t remember that much because of the stress involved at that time, but she did.

What I experienced is considered medical trauma. For her (and my Dad), it is also trauma induced by the near-death experience of their daughter.

Why am I telling this to you? Because medical trauma has been on my mind. I’ve been trying to dodge the fear of getting sick with this virus. I know, however, that it is a trauma-trigger for me. And, for anyone who has experienced significant, life-changing illness. It is also triggering for people who cared for those of us who survived serious illness.

Tonight, I’m thinking of all the people around the world who have just narrowly escaped death or the ones who are fighting it. I’m thinking about the health care professionals who are battling exhaustion and fear so they can keep someone else alive. My heart is with those who couldn’t be there for their loved one’s final days.

This virus is traumatizing for our society. As we push through it and prayerfully get through it, we will come out okay, but changed. Medical trauma is just as real and valid as any other form of trauma.

Let’s keep each other close in thought. Let’s check on each other, show grace and kindness. We will all remember the fear or worry that we are feeling right now, but we can also do our part in letting compassion and putting others’ needs in front of our own become just as memorable.